Posts Tagged ‘decay’

214

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

Do you have a wake? You might check the rearview mirror in your car, or even the news for information about accidents, if you were afraid you’d caused one without realizing it. If the cuffs of your pants get wet, well that is the price you have to pay if you want to live in a world with consequences, you make choices and you live with them. That person laying under a logging truck or laying under a skidder, getting bit up by a mosquito, they are on their own path learning the lessons in life that are theirs to learn. Dave Mustaine learned all about that after the release of the phenomenal Rust in Peace. What else are you going to do? Work?

213

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Did you hear what came from a lady in the darkness of the alley, seemingly swallowing so sickly since some silkscreen pair sank songs, and poor-lonely-immigrant songs up into brackish bliss. Did you think she would end up killing Mitch? Did you think she would have better control over her bloodlust? I for one always believed the possibly apocryphal claim that it was possible to be consumed and wrought up by shadows cast with no other frame of reference, such as a long-handled shoehorn form peeking out of the separate branches of alleys opening to pocket spaces. Greenery. I dreamed of a tree that handed down a tray of food to me whenever I was hungry and lifted me up into itself when I was in danger. It could smell and taste you, sense the beating of your heart or the electrical impulses generated by your moving muscles. It could speak in a way that closely resembles morphine’s waves. That night in the green room when It murmured to me, helped me think as I dreamed. I was wide awake before dawn, and as first light streaked the starry sky I heard the sound of ponies whose hoofsteps just erased all the walls and did the miraculous sifting of her form out in the middle of what once had been a garden. And she stood there as a teapot, which I thought was rather fantastic, and redeeming.

212

Monday, May 10th, 2010

Kitty was walking with her mother and the Moscovite English Club, — she felt herself at home in a refuge of quiet. Emboldened by the wine, she started on her favorite theme, about hypocrisy and the way people act under times of hardship and pressure. Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank, but never to being bores. They might not even admit to themselves that They had met you several times in the past and always gotten the impression you thought you were better than They. Yet it was They who unwittingly helped to lay the foundation for the brutal classless utopia of the Soviet Union. Such displays of aristocratic radicalism were the most trifling and irrelevant. Instead of crying and blaming the little black fish (for that is what she called them), Kitty wheeled and glared speechlessly at her mother, who was back down the road talking, laughing, and conspiring with a certain Mary Stouffer, known to be a radical scavenger agent and publisher of pamphlets.

211

Friday, April 30th, 2010

On the first aerial toll-house, the cast body is questioned about the sins of the tongue. Say the word “Tarrasque” – now where did you put your tongue to make the “t” sound? The second is the toll-house of lies. You told him you would pay it back if he would just let you go. You know that the judge cannot allow you to go unpunished. The judge would be unjust. The third is the toll-house of slander. Jackie was not actually diagnosed with the disease. The fourth is the toll-house of gluttony. How much hair did you eat. The fifth is the toll-house of laziness. And still You lay there Jobless Masterring sloth Blind eyes Face thickening. The sixth toll-house is the toll-house of theft. Take nothing you won’t use. Consider any electrical goods. Will they work in the new country? The seventh is the toll-house of covetousness. You only wanted to be rid of the burdens of those bent beneath their loads. The eight is the toll-house of usury. That wizened man is lame and dry, His life now less than bliss, But what about that truth so wry: “As soon as a coin in the coffer rings, a soul from purgatory springs?” The ninth is the toll-house of injustice. You are an island, man, in your bones and you will have to beat it. The tenth is the toll-house of envy. Did you dream that you were wearing someone else’s clothes? Your dream may mean that you admire that person or want to adopt some of their qualities. The eleventh is the toll-house of pride. I’m not proud of what youve done but you cant change the past.. I want you to be able to tell me everything! you are my twin and I cant go a day w/out you. The twelve is the toll-house of anger. Raw emotion embarasses us, makes us turn away, and for heaven’s sake let it not touch our household. And why can’t there be “something else” besides the voice of machines speaking to us in the darkness.The thirteenth is the toll-house of remembering evil. He was in the shadow under the canopy he had set up to shield himself from the unusually hot April day, but a ray of sun caught his eyes, enough to let me see that they had committed grievous blunders. But there is no evil incarnate; no entity, no devil. The fourteenth is the toll-house of murder. You really just left town to get away from “someone”. You came back…you came through the door and said no you are dead. The fifteenth is the toll-house of magic. Do you feel like right now you are leaving leaving your body. You may sometimes hear sounds. I sometimes hear a “buzzing” or “vibration” sound. I have heard of others hearing a “whooshing.” You pay no toll if you are traveling to The Island; you pay toll only when going to New Brunswick. The sixteenth is the toll-house of lust. You have lusted for the new rain rather than humbling yourself by treating your brothers as vessels of the new wine. But you have rejected them instead. This time you may pass in silence. The seventeenth is the toll-house of adultery. You are fortunate to have died died a child. The eighteenth is the toll-house of sodomy. The goatse.cx lawyer has informed us that we need a warning! The nineteenth is the toll-house of heresy. Then be silent again for a little while. Silence is anything but empty! When you put yourself and your thoughts aside, you let God come into your awareness. No? ok lets continue… The twentieth toll-house is the toll-house of unmercifulness. That’s where I come in.

210

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Did they call before the collapse? Are they really ok? Why don’t they call again? Did they hear the sighs and lamentations which rose up from the debris? Did they hear the three sections of the poem? Could you have said those things and pretended that the sand wouldn’t fill it also, it would never work the other way around, with your mouth singing so so freely THE SONGS OF SCOTLAND BEFORE BURNS as sung by the beautiful, and highly tuneful, the endless roll of the dunes. Did those songs call out for me? When I knelt to the ground, to listen for breathing, to watch the chest to see if it rises and falls, I discovered that it was entirely salt. I picked up a nice little hunk of it to bring home as an ideal free replacement for your spit and tears, unchanged, alike.

209

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

The Black Clouds Rolling Under The Parapet Of The Sky were taken by John Tyndall in 1859. He had a glass jar, he called Ponyo, he discovered that when light passes through a smoky gel called the vitreous humor it creates an inverted image of the leadpoint of a pencil in the upper eyelid part pointing downward. To help him stay sober he sat in coffeehouses and worked on a novel that contained a lot of sex and a protagonist who was an urban planner. Everyone hung from the rafters. If he sobered up and got a little money, he could go to an inn and the cook would just ignore him. Some days he did not want to do it because he would forget his lunch but he still went and took her in his arms. For a long time they just held each other. He was holding her on the ground so that there would not be any offspring who could have been born with risk of of this inversion. The pencil he wrote with was becoming more like a needle on a lie detector, making Ponyo sweat. That sweat is what is creating the images he was reproducing.

208

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

I had no idea whether it was late or early. A change came about my work, which gave me intense satisfaction. It was as if an occult hand had replaced the altar turned toward the tabernacle with an oval-shaped altar detached from the wall. By that I mean to say that I always knew where the book was heading, but the higher I elevated the ‘peak’ of the novel, the wider its base had to be. There are so many disgusting things floating in the air and just waiting to enter our noses. Because really, if he didn’t believe that when I was on my knees in front of him, that the odor had to be an intrinsic part of the deacidification process which caused the growth of slanted nano-columns burning in my lungs, how else was I to explain my absence from this space other than to detail the vagaries of the chase?; one more glance till I come undone. I knew he was the one when he slept with his hand on my ass all night. Keeper of the Cathedral of Flesh, it ultimately destroyed him in 1460. The love for humanity, for nature, for the very Earth that has yet to experience the climax of this rotten tumor that speaks through my pen; but I appreciate your beauty. Pardon me, but I find inspiration in your black hair that slowly turns clear then back.

207

Friday, April 9th, 2010

As David’s soul steps out of his body, it is met with the most breathtaking feeling imaginable. He said he will never go back to her but it echoed in the large modern room. Anna left him after he was jailed for intoxication. She never went back, she never found out what was wrong with herself. She picked up and went on with her life. Exactly one year ago she was taken care of by Edit, and while treating her badly, she saw two faces clearly — one in its early twenties with blue eyes, the other was stitched leather almost the color of sun tanned skin.

Edit persuaded them to go to a Salvation Army meeting. At the meeting, Gustafsson submitted himself to God, but David stayed cynical. One night David became aggressive when Anna tried to protect their children from being infected by David’s tuberculosis. He was locked in the kitchen, but broke through the door with an axe. She said “I’m afraid of falling…” and he whispered “I have wings.”

206

Thursday, April 8th, 2010

Its like I cant stop moving like Im on the top of a wave. It is electric, and it is filled with fluid and energetic motion. Pulses come out from the fiber at different times. They still manage to jolt me when I hear them, like the breath of rats contains trace quantities of carbon disulfide. Strange, scintillating, siren-like, they approach across the fields and pastures of my rumpled cotton sheets. Do you recall what she was wearing?” “Something dark.” “Do you remember her hair?” Then came the shocking realization that she didn’t have a head. Is that what I remember in high speed mode? I never remember if I was actually awake or not. There was no woman or man on this planet, mortal or immortal. My last meal consisted of lobster tail, butterfly shrimp, baked potato, strawberry cheesecake, and sweet tea. Then I became air.

205

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

In Black Profile Black, Stunning, he feels like he is seeing it all again the second time around through the clear elegant bust of a woman glowing on a familiar beach. Is it a familiar beach or just one he saw on postcards and tourist brochures? Is it even a beach. It is a barren desert. What colour is the sand: golden, white, ash grey? Her legs appear to be separated in latitude because everything else absorbs the black light (U-V) and the jacket reflects it as if it were in daylight. He can’t be sure if anything is actually familiar from the spontaneous breaking of chiral symmetry between a childhood history at the beach and a woman who told the life guard and embarrassed him for staring at her through binoculars. She was quite beautiful.